I don’t mean to alarm you, but influencers are being weird about water again. Earlier this year, flavored water took TikTok by storm, but that didn’t interest influencer Ellie Stiles. No, her favorite kind of water is “Alive Water,” as opposed to water someone has died in, I guess?

She pays $88 a month to have it delivered to her house in huge glass containers, proving she’s excellent at budgeting and can be trusted to make wise financial decisions. The water comes from two natural springs that have “zero industrial contamination” and is “packed with minerals.” Most importantly, it’s “high vibe water,” and “you can feel it,” claims Stiles. Thank god, I’m so sick of low vibration water that costs me zero dollars a month.

@m4cklin #stitch with @Ellie Stiles ♬ original sound - Macklin

Alive Water’s website features a page that provides customers with more detail about their water than any human can feasibly ever need, and the explicit mention of fluoride and the company’s promise that they don’t add any to their water confirms my suspicions that this is a bunch of woo-woo nonsense for people who don’t know what people’s teeth were like before fluoridated water.

Predictably, commenters found this video hilarious, with one writing, “Girl if you don’t want your money I’ll take it” and another offering Stiles an alternative source of Alive Water: “You can get alive water in the LA river too!! Sure there’s stuff that’s alive in there.”

@samanthatannor Raw Water: Health or Hype? Just kidding, this isn’t even a question… it’s all pseudoscience #rawwater #health #wellness #dougevans #siliconvalley #alivewater ♬ original sound - SAM biz, pop culture

As Tiktoker Macklin so eloquently put it, this is why hippies need to be poor. “You have to understand that you’re an easily scammable demographic, alright, I firmly believe that if I took a bottle of Poland Spring, dumped it into a plastic bucket, sold it to you for $150 and claimed that it was infused with mother nature’s pussy juice, you would buy it. I’m worried about you guys!” He ended the video with a plea: “Be broke and nomadic like the old days.”

@elevatewithelliestiles Replying to @user1927235468667 not sponsored, just in love with this water ✨@Alive Water ♬ original sound - Ellie Stiles

This kind of water is known as “raw water,” and as TikToker Samantha Tannor points out, drinking raw water comes with serious risks. Back in 2018, Men’s Health investigated Alive Water’s water source and found that they were literally bottling up tap water from Oregon, calling it “unfiltered, untreated, unsterilized spring water” and charging $24 per gallon for it.

Ultimately, there’s no scientific evidence that proves “raw water” is better for you, while there’s plenty of evidence that treated, filtered and fluoridated water is better for you. I cannot speak to whether regular tap water has high vibrations or not, however. If not, though, maybe adding 10 packets of Skittles flavoring and four pumps of coconut syrup can vibe up boring old tap water to an acceptable (and much cheaper) level.

Were the WaterTokers onto something all along?